I sat down to check one thing at 2pm and looked up when the room had gone dark. I don't know what happened in between. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't thinking about anything I can name. I was just waiting. For a page to finish loading, for an email to arrive, for something to tell me what to do next. The sun set and I didn't notice. My coffee went cold and I didn't notice that either. I sat in the dark for another twenty minutes before it occurred to me to turn on a light.

Time disappears when there's nothing pushing back against it. I have whole afternoons I can't account for, whole evenings that just went somewhere I wasn't. The day just moves through me and I don't hold on to any of it. It scares me a little when I think about it directly, so I usually don't. When did you last feel a day actually moving, slow and heavy like it used to? When did the hours stop having weight?