A friend told me her mother was in the hospital today. She texted it between two other messages, just slipped it in, and my first instinct was to hit the little heart. I stopped myself, but then I didn't know what to do instead, so I stared at the screen for a while typing and deleting things. I settled on something that looked like care. I don't know if it was. I sent it and moved on to the next thing and it wasn't until later that I realized I hadn't actually felt anything in that moment. Just the mild problem of what to send.

I check other people's reactions before I settle on my own. Scroll the comments to calibrate. Read the room before I decide how to feel about it. I've been doing this so long it feels normal. But somewhere underneath there must be a version of me that knows how to respond without consulting anyone. I think about her sometimes. I think she stopped being asked. Do you remember the last time you felt something before you had a chance to frame it?