The internet went out this morning for about twenty minutes. I know exactly how long because I checked the time when it happened and checked it again when it came back. In between I sat at my desk and felt a particular kind of quiet that I didn't know what to do with. My hands were in my lap. There was nothing asking for them. I could hear the building settling, a sound I must have been tuning out for months. I heard my own breathing. I felt the twenty minutes like twenty minutes in a way I don't usually feel time.

I expected to feel peaceful. I felt something more like mild panic, then awkward, then oddly hollow. The connection came back and I felt my shoulders drop from a place I hadn't known they'd been. I told myself that was relief. But I think it was more complicated than that. I think I was relieved to stop being alone with myself. Does that happen to you? When the signal drops, what's underneath it?