I left the party after about forty minutes and told people I had an early morning. I didn't have an early morning. I just wanted to get home, make tea, and look at my phone in a room by myself. And the terrible thing is that I felt genuinely better the second I got through the door. Not relieved in a guilty way. Actually lighter. Like the evening started when I left. I sat in the quiet and looked at photos people were posting from the party in real time and felt more connected to it then than I had when I was standing in it.

I know that's not right. I know it. But the version of the party on my phone is quieter and I can scroll through it at my own pace and nobody needs anything from me. Real rooms have needs. They pull at you, demand your attention in directions you didn't plan for. When did being around people start feeling like work? And when did you start preferring the account of the thing to the thing itself?