I can't name what I'm grieving. I've tried. I sit with the feeling and it doesn't resolve into a person, a place, a specific thing I can point to. It's the size and shape of a loss without anything to assign it to. I think I trimmed it away somewhere along the way - optimized it out along with everything else I was pruning - and now the grief is here but the thing it's for is gone.

Every time I try to let it go it comes back. I've talked myself out of it, reasoned with it, distracted myself past it. It reappears the same size. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with grief that has no address. Some days I just let it sit there, that heavy quiet shape in the middle of everything, the only sign that something real used to be here. Have you ever mourned something you couldn't name? How do you carry something like that?